Real Life

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I’ve climbed the highest mountain,

Dived down in the deepest sea,

Run with bulls around a fountain,

Swung like Tarzan from a tree.

 

I’ve jammed with Bono and Bieber,

Done recitals of Liszt and Mozart,

Gave sermons to many a believer,

Like Picasso, painted new age art.

 

I’ve done the big stunts of Kneivel,

Starred in many a Broadway show,

Fought in the UFC some call evil,

Won the grand slam twice in a row.

 

So take it from me this is all true

As I’ve lived it all through YouTube.

© Neil Dufty

Flappy Man

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Wobble bobble

in the breeze

happy face for

us to please

—————-

We are the

Flappy Men

full of wind

and fury

signifying

nothing.

© Neil Dufty

The Pizza Man

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My wind was a torrent of darkness inside my hungry gut,
My face was a ghastly turquoise: I’d been really in a rut,
My order had been misplaced when I’d phoned an hour before,
And the pizza man came running-
		Running-running-
The pizza man came running, up to my open door.

He had a large case under his armpit; a look of concern on his face,
I had a mouth that was drooling like a hound that just won a race,
I waited with great anticipation as I paid the man the bill,
And how I longed for that Hawaiian Pizza, 
		That juicy Hawaiian Pizza,
Oh no, it’s a Meat Lovers; hey, but I’ll still eat my fill!

(Author’s note: Apologies to Alfred J. Noyes for the take on his poem ‘The Highwayman’)

© Neil Dufty

Gulf War: a poem

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It was the morning 5.44 if I do recall,
All were trying to sleep for the long haul,
The train rocking gently from side to side,
Like a lilting lullaby to cope with the ride.

The train was the domain of the old male,
Relic body odour making it smell stale,
The odd lady amongst the testosterone,
Fragrant roses improved the dank tone.

The men divided by how they did dress,
It was plain to see, no chance to digress,
Some donned bright fluro seen from a mile,
The rest were decked out in business attire.

This chasm cut deep into the land’s history,
Blue collar versus white was the big story,
What these two did for work had to be noted,
As it even decided how each of them voted!

Blue singlets now replaced by high vis vests
For tradesmen with tough hands and strong chests,
Yellow and orange the garb of these herculeans,
They stood out in the train like bright beacons.

This the quiet carriage, no noise could be made,
Sound violation and death stares would be paid,
And patrons wanted the same seats, own spaces,
A pecking order of sorts, they knew their places. 

The scene now set for the conflict that ensued,
Let’s get on with the story without further ado,
We must keep this train poem on the right track,
It was starting to wander, to take another tack.

On the right of the aisle sat the tradie in yellow,
Unshaven, he looked like a gruff kind of fellow,
Squat build, middle-aged, tattoos on his forearms,
Callouses could be seen on the both of his palms.

On the left of the aisle sat the professional man,
Slim build, bespectacled, with a slight ruddy tan,
He was typing big words, jargon like ‘resultant’,
Might be a banker, lawyer … or even a consultant!

The tradie he had a cooling box called an esky,
Emblazoned in our flag it was not very sexy,
To all wishing to alight it was a stumbling block,
As it sat part way in the aisle like a massive rock.

Now on the day in question the tradie was snoring,
Sounding like a lion on the plain that was roaring,
In the quiet carriage this noise it was most foreign,
To many awoken you could say it was abhorrent.

It must have been a day the consultant was uptight,
An intense look like he had been given a big fright,
Turning to the tradie, he glowered and nudged him,
Would the tradie accept he had committed a big sin?

The tradie he stirred and glanced across the void,
Upset by the awakening he seemed to be buoyed,
“Can’t a bloke get his sleep, is that too much to ask?
If you ever do it again, be sure I’ll break your arse.”

The consultant ignored the rant, he’d made his mark,
He went back to his typing oblivious of the nark,
But for every day as he alighted from his ride,
He felt the esky of the tradie bump on his side.

Next day, the esky upturned, contents in the aisle,
The tradie fuming, face red, looking very vile,
Then he yelled, “For that mate you’re going down!”
All the patrons shocked said “Please quieten down.”

The consultant responded saying “It wasn’t me,”
The tradie retorted with “Who else could it be?”
“I’ve got to get off the train now,” he went on,
“Better not be here tomorrow or you’re gone!”

Would the consultant return? It had to be seen,
The tradie looking around, appearing real mean,
No consultant, no one this day sitting in his seat,
The void was there, and I cheerfully took his seat. 

© Neil Dufty

Say No to Emojis

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Out, damned spot! Out, I say!

Be gone you little buggers

Page huggers

Geez, emojis!

What is the world coming to

when beautiful emotive words

become omnipresent dots?

Will our children learn

to use Symbols instead of Syllables?

Go LOL

Leave OMG

Out with Sad Face

You are the pesky

Seven Dwarfs of messages

So please refrain –

Like for cigarettes, wean yourself off using them

Go on an emoji fast, have an emoji-free month

Instead, express yourself with words

That’s right, words!

And, all I can say in closing, is

<insert the no to emoji emoji>

© Neil Dufty

The Search

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Pokemon Go CP Squirtle

We seek them here

We seek them there

In a park

Up a hill

Down a hill

On a beach

Through a wood

At a mall

Near a creek

Cross a road

Over a cliff

Where are those

Little Pokemons?

© Neil Dufty

The Plain

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The plain: uniform terrain. Plains-people: strong, resolute against drought, flooding rain … and the boredom of the plain. Does the rain fall mainly on the plain? What about the orographic effect? You’ve probably guessed by now that this is a planar poem – as flat as the plain: it rambles across this plain page. A road train rumbles through the plain to make noise to liven up the plain. The plains-wanderer is a bird that wanders across the plain trying to find and eat something that likes the pain of the plain. It builds a mound to lay its eggs and make a mountain out of a molehill … or is that bird the mallee-fowl? The plains-wanderers sometimes get run over by road trains. Stratus clouds work in parallel with plains. Planking is people trying to be plains. I would like to live on a plain, then I wouldn’t fall down a hill like Jack and Jill. Life can be a real plain: they always want you to stay calm, not show your emotional highs and lows. Have you felt emotionally controlled before? That’s a plain. And when you die and your heartbeat stops, the line on the machine you are attached to shows a plain; a plain life from birth to death. This poem is flat-lining: it’s dead. Mirages are shimmering, glitzy sirens like the Lorelei that lure you to keep travelling across the plain (beware of plains-wanderer’s mounds, road trains, bored plains-people, and death). Plains of the world unite as one – the prairie, the tundra, all plains come together and adopt a flat earth policy. But then, see, if you’re in a plane and you look down, the plain is not plain, it is: Creased, Cracked, Contoured, Colourful

I

Now

Have

A

Different

View

Of

The

Plain.

© Neil Dufty

I want to be like Kim Kardashian

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Kim

I want to be like Kim Kardashian:

Low on talent but o so flashy and

I want to be like Johnny Depp:

Captain Jack Sparrow and o so hip

And I want to be like Donald Trump:

Mega-rich, so ready to give the dump

And I want to be like Queen Elizabeth:

Pomp and splendour, with plenty of breath

And I want to be like Justin Bieber:

So many fans and big on social media

And I want to be like that doll called Barbie:

Perfect body, perfect hair, perfect in every way

And I want to be like that man, The Pope:

Followers everywhere, giving plenty of hope…

So many to choose from, confusing it can be,

On reflection, I think I might end up being me.

© Neil Dufty

Tatoo

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Tatoo

TATOO

I think I will get a tattoo, or two,

Of you

Or a sleave with some serious ink,

In pink

May be something in words so felt,

Not misspelt

I’ll get them all over, even near the ear,

No fear

Looking like Joseph’s cloak, I’ll be the bloke,

No joke

But then I think of the pain, the pain, the pain,

Refrain

And when I’m ageing, skin dried and wrinkling,

An inkling

That I should have covered in kid’s transfers.

© Neil Dufty

Over the Pacific: a poem

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It happened over the Pacific
Probably Fiji to be specific
A tale almost too horrific
If the ending was not terrific

The plane it twitched to its side
Something wrong with this ride
To hold on I tried, really tried
But out the window I did slide

I toppled into the darkest night
Screaming to earth in full fright
A parachute would help my plight
But the end for me was in sight

 I let out an almighty scream
But something was on my team
An angel pulling me from the scene
“Sir, you are having a bad dream”. 

© Neil Dufty