Three poems that I’ve written to encourage us all to take actions to reduce greenhouse gas emissions before it is too late…
A CHANGE IS IN THE WIND
They’re watching us, these things called humans
Pens out, monitoring our rumens
Cows no fun
Pointing their fingers, shuffling their sheets
Murmuring about the planet’s heat
Cows help sun
Worried faces, showing their petulance
About our burps and our flatulence
Cows need bung
Uttering words, most common ‘methane’
Hoping cows would kindly refrain
Cow’s bad bum
With a gut like a still, our only torment
Grass sloshes around, slow ferment
Cow’s big drum
Big cows with balls are worst offenders
Blame males, that’ll help defend us
Cows well hung
They think it’s best to fit us with gas masks
Give us new grass to stop the farts
Cow’s new tum
They’ll want us to dispose of our own cow pats
Place them into some underground vats
Cows no dung
See they carve us up or milk us bone dry
Now they say we make all things fry
Cows hard done
No bull, we’re so over their bovine jokes
Go away, pick on some ‘udder’ folk
Cow bad pun
And don’t they belch things out, that’s a fact
What’s spewing from that factory stack?
Cows not dumb
See all we want to do is chew our cud
Moo, poo, trudge though the mud
Cows hum drum
So it’s over, all of this crap is enough
We’re taking a stand, getting so tough
Cows done fun
Let’s fight for ruminant freedom
Run with the buffalo, the sheep
Let’s herd together, fight to the end
Cows are one
Let’s stampede the Golden Arches
Go on long protest marches
Fight on beaches and on pastures
Even take to air in the fastest
Cow Top Gun
And now the end is very near
The day that all of us cattle fear
The last to the abattoir is to be tanned
The fight was called ‘Muster’s Last Stand’
Cows out gunned
So if this story shocks, scares and amazes
That we Daisies could be ‘pushing up daisies’
Next time you question our windy emissions
Consider the risk of milk and meat omissions
Cow’s life done
(Author’s note: It is reported that ruminants, including cows, are directly responsible for 6.3% of anthropogenic global warming. Apologies to Dana Lyons for using some ideas from his song ‘Cows with Guns’)
Now listen children I wish to tell you a story,
It’s the type of story that we call an ‘allegory’,
It’ll help us learn what we’re doing to our climate,
And to make the tale interesting, I’ll even rhyme it!
But before we start, let’s say ‘allegory’ out aloud,
If you say it well, this teacher will be so proud,
‘Alighieri’ – oh children, now that’s a red hot go,
Try again children listen to how the syllables flow.
‘Al-Gore-y’ – children that sounds so very close,
That’ll do for now, (Al would make a relevant host),
To get the tale’s meaning will be a little bit trying,
What can we do to stop the Earth from over frying?
So a very long time ago, in a far distant land,
There lived many people, together they did band,
This tribe lived around a most beautiful lake,
From lake and surrounds much food they did take.
The lake was a vibrant blue; now it turned to green,
This change in the colour had not before been seen,
Some thought it was fate; some just a magical trick,
But however it happened some started to get sick.
So they asked the witch doctor to come up with a cure,
A potion, a spell, the evil spirits away to lure,
He thought long and hard, ‘What is causing the malaise?
Is this a long-term worry or only a passing phase?’
He pondered: ‘All don’t care where they do their poos,
See on land and water they do their ones and their twos,’
The witch doctor thought that there was a close connection,
Between poo and green and sick, this was his reflection.
The witch doctor warned things would only get worse,
Pestilence would descend, life to become adverse,
But most people did not care even if things got rotten,
They all sat on their hands (well, really on their bottom).
And some of the tribe were making money on the side,
Collecting the poo-poos and taking the others for a ride,
Their business involved crushing the dried out drops
And selling them back to people to fertilise their crops.
The doctor called a meeting to discuss the green issue,
‘Dig a hole, do it in there, use a leaf as a toilet tissue,’
He pleaded this in front of the crowd’s sceptical gaze,
But nothing would stop the whole tribe’s indifferent daze.
So the speakers against said that nothing was doing,
They’d continue with how they were peeing and pooing,
There was no need to dig holes, no need to be hypocritical,
They’d heard sad words before from that guy Chicken Little!
Now as you would expect this story does not end well,
The lake stayed always green, the tribe went through hell,
They moved to a new lake, but refused the ditch again,
Apparently the new lake had the name of Lake Michigan.
So children what is the meaning that you take from this story?
I am sorry that what happened was just a little bit gory,
Now can someone give me a real tale meaning of worth?
Yes, Johnny – ‘I know Miss, Don’t put crap on the Earth!’
Now that is very true Johnny but let us go far deeper,
The message not too bleak like that of the Grim Reaper,
A positive climate change message for more than a few,
Yes, Jenny – ‘Listen to science and change what we do.’
WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?
What were you thinking around fifty years ago?
You had a great chance to make it turn out right.
What were you doing? There is so little to show
Like a boxer manoeuvring but not willing to fight.
Lower greenhouse gases, there must’ve been many ways:
Join together, work together – help out the Mother Earth,
Don’t listen to those sceptics, those wanting the extra pays,
‘The Earth before greed’ – that would’ve had future worth!
And now the seas have risen, people have lost their homes,
The climate has gotten much warmer, baking all the land,
The scientists’ warnings gloomy (still writing their big tomes),
Wars and sickness are rampant, many need a helping hand.
But all of our efforts have come too late
You had your chance, you decided our fate.