The Love Song of a Little Leech

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And here I lie on the ground,

Just waiting to be found,

Thousands of teeth at the ready,

In a slither of mucous jelly.

 

Hey, there’s no need for fright,

You really will love my bite,

I’m only a swipp’ry little sucker,

With one big, slobbery pucker!

 

So please keep coming – I won’t hurt,

Like Dracula, I just want to flirt,

Only a little blood will do,

Oh…I’m now so stuck on you!

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The Pigeon (a sonnet)

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What is the point of a pigeon?

Have you ever pondered this thought?

I’ve scanned the books, all religions,

And believe this bird to be a rort.

 

There you waddle, pecking at refuse;

Fat head bobbles, you coo and scratch;

And you can home (that’s no excuse);

Those other birds you cannot match.

 

But God must’ve something in His mind:

A niche, a role for you my friend;

In pity I wink, reason sure to find;

Stop this poem reaching a sad end.

 

But now white goo splatters my eye;

Then a wink from pigeon up on high!

 

Runny nose poem

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RED, RED NOSE

O my Love’s like my red, red nose,
That’s newly sprung in June;
O my Love’s like an allergy,
That helps us snore in tune.

Now you’re so cool, my bony lass,
But so deep in snot am I;
And I will love you still, my dear,
Till all my sinuses go dry.

Till all my sinuses go dry, my dear,
And we can have some fun;
But I will love you still, my dear,
When again my nose does run.

So see you soon my only Love,
And see you, for a while!
And I will come again, my Love,
With one big snotty smile!

(Author’s note: Apologies to Robert Burns for the take on his poem ‘Red, Red Rose’)

 

 

Book lovers poem

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AT A BARNES AND NOBLE

I met her at a Barnes and Noble

She was young, I was much older

Coo-coo-ca-choo, she behind a folder

Our eyes then met, and I told her

I’m looking for a book

At a Barnes and Noble

 

We made love in a Barnes and Noble

It happened in the non-fiction section

Between Religion or History on reflection

No one noticed, no detection

Only the books saw the action

At a Barnes and Noble

 

We were married at a Barnes and Noble

It was literally a fine celebration

Filled with friends and the odd relation

Books and us – the ultimate creation

Books hailed our matrimony

At a Barnes and Noble

 

Our children live in a Barnes and Noble

Reading books is our only pastime

Other kids play Xbox, games of that kind

But this line I’m struggling to rhyme

I will get the answer

At a Barnes and Noble

 

This poem is brought to you

By Barnes and Noble

‘Book a Life’

At a Barnes and Noble.

A light at the end of the tunnel

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When the darkness is so overwhelming,

Look to the stars above for some hope,

The glow in the eyes of a child playing,

Helping the mind restore and to cope.

 

There’s a light at the end of the tunnel,

A hope to help lift us from despair,

A hole for water to escape a funnel,

Letting us out when the world’s unfair.

 

You will enter a place of still solitude,

Peace and quiet, solace from all the din,

To get there you’ll need to show fortitude,

As this nirvana you will find is within.

 

Perfection

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You caught my eye as

I ran on by

 

I doubled back to

take a look

 

And in the shop you

peered at me

 

Statuesque, perfect

in every way

 

Like Bo Derek in 10

a vision splendid

 

Such style, such elegance

a Sophia Loren

 

The curves, the contours

Angelina Jolie

 

But then I noticed you

did not move

 

Old Hall

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We came from near and from far,

To the hall at the end of the tar,

To dance to Frank and his band,

Far from war in another land.

 

We waltzed long into the night,

Till night gave way to first light,

Two tops in a twirl and a spin,

We danced with aplomb and a grin.

 

We joined as one in barn dance,

Chance to romance and to prance,

We thought our life was just made,

No chance of the bombs from a raid.

 

We slipped to the back of the hall,

None saw our stealth and our gall,

Not to think of whether we should,

We carved our love into the wood.

 

the floor has sprung

boarded windows clatter

in wind like a percussion solo

rats scuttle to their pit

battered paint peels

uncovering

‘Albie loves Essie’

 

a developer eyes the structure

‘Yeah, it’s a knockdown mate’.