The Tree-changers

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In my wild erratic fancy visions come to me of Clancy (and Nancy)
Gone a winemaking up to Mudgee where all the tree-changers go,
Or are they doing permaculture? Not just sure of their fancy,
Only their life has pleasures that the city folk never know.

I am sitting in my dingy office in the dusty, dirty city,
Listening to meaningless talks from the next door jerk, 
Oops, I’ve missed another deadline, oh what a pity! 
Now to head home on trains that rarely ever work.

And I somehow fancy that I’d like to change with Clancy (and Nancy),
Have a home among the gum trees where the seasons come and go,
But I guess they’ll be out there till they go to ‘greener’ pastures,
And I’ll stay where I am and watch my in-tray overflow.

(Author’s note: Apologies to Australian poet Banjo Paterson for using some lines from ‘Clancy of the Overflow’)

© Neil Dufty

The joys of being an older runner

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Why do we? Why do we go back for more?
Perspiration pouring out like an artesian bore,
Groans in our bones, aches for goodness sakes,
The finish out of sight, this is what it takes.

Are we all masochists or are we just silly?
(I wish this darned course wasn’t that hilly!)
‘Fun run’: an oxymoron if ever there was one!
I’m sure this race has well and truly been won.

But I remember the day, the day of my PB,
It was so, so easy, I got a running stress freebie,
I felt virile, vibrant, young, I ran without fear,
The only thing, I can’t even remember the year.

Will I now walk? My legs they feel like rubber,
I’m a whale beached, heavy weight and all blubber,
No, no, I can’t give in to this easy walk option
Which seduces me like some sensuous siren.

And now one last strain as I cross the finish line,
I’ll sit down, catch my breath, then I’ll feel fine,
Then talk to the others, make up all the excuses,
And ask, ‘Do you know any good masseuses?’

Then home to start on the long road to recover,
Apply some ice, pop a pill, maybe then another,
But whatever the weather, if it’s hot, wet or cold,
We will all be back, as good as gold, or just old.

© Neil Dufty

Phubbing

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When you’re in a crowd
And someone comes towards you
And ignores you
On their phone…
Phubbing 
Phone Snubbing

When you’re on a night out
At a restaurant
And your date
Constantly goes
On their phone…
Phubbing 
Phone Snubbing

When you want to have a conversation
With your teenager
And they just have to go
On their phone…
Phubbing 
Phone Snubbing

When there are laws about not 
Phoning and driving
But people 
Still drive
On their phone…
Phubbing 
Phone Snubbing

When you’re reading this poem
On your phone…

© Neil Dufty

The Lone Star Motel

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One Star Motel
The sun was setting in the west,
I could not drive much further,
My eyes were bleary, to stop was best,
“Safety first,” my mum I’d heard her.

I then drove through a tin-pot town,
You know the type with tumbleweed,
But lack of habitation made me frown,
All I wanted was a sleep and a feed.

There was nowhere to rest my weary head,
No Bed and Breakfast, not a hotel,
The next town I thought I would head,
But then I spied the ‘Lone Star Motel’.

Excited I knocked on the reception door,
Looking down I noted the ‘Welcome’ mat,
Finally a lady ambled across the floor,
Rollers in her hair, ciggy and a tatt.

“Are you on your own?” the lady said,
“I have to check if there’re vacancies,”
I pleaded, “Please only a feed and bed,
Your sign did not say ‘No Vacancies’.”

She checked whilst sucking on her smoke,
“Our tourist trade is running pretty hot,”
This comment almost made me choke,
As there were no cars in the parking lot!

“You are lucky, Luv,” the lady conceded,
“Number 5, you’re certainly in the hunt,
It has more than you would have needed,
But I need the money paid up front.”

“A restaurant?” my gut was starting to ache,
“Only room service,” the lady pursed her lips,
“For dinner, we have got chips and steak
And for breakfast it is steak and chips.”

It would have to do, I proceeded to pay,
And as I went out to await the tucker,
Plain as day I heard the lady say,
“Hey Harry, it is another city sucker.”

The first thing I noticed as I opened the door,
Was the smell, not that of lavender,
And was that tomato sauce on the floor?
I was hoping to not find a cadaver.

What’s more the TV was very blurry,
The AC didn’t work, the heat intense,
And around the bath was mould so furry,
‘Lone Star’, meaning one-star, was making sense.

“Room service,” the lady was at the door,
My chance to complain about the place,
As I was about to argue with great candour,
She said “Enjoy” closing the door in my face.

Alone I whiled away the hours to bed,
My phone had no signal, I played Solitaire,
This place was starting to do in my head,
It was like in a cell full of fetid air.

Sleep was how to deal with the yearning,
The bed bowed in the middle like a valley,
Midnight, one, two, me tossing and turning,
I felt destitute in some backstreet alley.

The chips and steak gurgled in my gut, 
Sleep virtue of some painkilling drugs,
I had found respite from the Lone Star rut,
But then I dreamt of some giant bed bugs.

Groggy in the morning I handed in the key,
Too tired to rustle up any type of complain,
I was just glad to escape, be finally free,
And drive quickly across the wide open plain.

“How was it? I hope you enjoyed the room,”
She must have thought that I was a goon,
“I am sure you will be back here real soon,”
She smarmily sniggered as I left the room.

“No way,” I thought as I got into my car,
Pondering her final words would not be smart,
So, I turned the key to escape the Lone Star,
But for some reason my car wouldn’t start.

© Neil Dufty

in The Cloud

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I wandered lonely in The Cloud,
I was trying to find some meaning,
Sifting through Big Data as allowed,
Searching for our very being,
When all at once I saw a crowd, 
A host of faces in The Cloud.

The faces were ordered like a book,
They stretched in never-ending line, 
Hard to comprehend at first look, 
Continuous as the stars that shine,
Faces promoted through pure vanity,
A clear insight into our humanity.

But as I stared, I spied a face
That suddenly grabbed my attention,
You had the visage of good grace,
Inspiring my immediate retention,
Your eyes, demeanour, so refined,
I quickly opened your Timeline.

And there you were for me to see, 
Friends, interests, your life laid there,
I gazed – and gazed – how could it be?
That I would find love in the air,
I then reached out to touch your face
But you evaporated without a trace.

(Apologies to William Wordsworth for the use of a few of his lines from the poem ‘I Wandered Lonely as a Cloud’)

© Neil Dufty

Run Faster, Master

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2016 JP Morgan CC

We’re off in this race for the Masters –

‘Masters’ sounds dignified, read old;

Which of these codgers will run fastest?

There’s some ‘gun’ in the field I’m told.

 

We’ve lined up at the start with head bands,

Dicky knees, arthritis and that condition;

We’ve done our stretches and flexed hands,

Like a Richard Simmons’ video rendition.

 

Now loping along at no fast rate,

Like slow mo in that Chariots flick;

We’re building up a sideways gait –

The winner is so hard to pick.

 

Over there, that guy is the Prancer:

Lifts his legs like a hackney horse;

He should become a ballet dancer –

I wonder if he’ll finish the course.

 

And right next to me is the Shuffler –

Thought he was that old Cliffy Young;

Sounds like he needs a new muffler –

If he wins I’ll be biting my tongue.

 

And just up in front is the Treadmill:

So adept at running on the spot;

Heard he’s been taking a blue pill

To have a long stay in the cot.

 

Oh, I’ve lapsed into a runner’s daze;

Dream of getting physical with Olivia!

Her head band and lycra still amaze –

Why is that look so destined for trivia?

 

Now a flashback to my running start:

My mother felt I was taking it too far;

Thought running would enlarge my heart –

But Phar Lap with a big heart was a star?

 

Awake; ‘the gun’ fires away from the field –

Wonder how he’s got into great shape?

He’s shown the rest a clean pair of heels

As he sprints through the finishing tape.

 

And the rest of us amble to the line,

Puffing, wheezing, finding our breath;

Good news: no one keeled over this time,

As we’re running away from our death.

© Neil Dufty

Real Life

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capture

I’ve climbed the highest mountain,

Dived down in the deepest sea,

Run with bulls around a fountain,

Swung like Tarzan from a tree.

 

I’ve jammed with Bono and Bieber,

Done recitals of Liszt and Mozart,

Gave sermons to many a believer,

Like Picasso, painted new age art.

 

I’ve done the big stunts of Kneivel,

Starred in many a Broadway show,

Fought in the UFC some call evil,

Won the grand slam twice in a row.

 

So take it from me this is all true

As I’ve lived it all through YouTube.

© Neil Dufty

Flappy Man

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capture-1

Wobble bobble

in the breeze

happy face for

us to please

—————-

We are the

Flappy Men

full of wind

and fury

signifying

nothing.

© Neil Dufty

The Pizza Man

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My wind was a torrent of darkness inside my hungry gut,
My face was a ghastly turquoise: I’d been really in a rut,
My order had been misplaced when I’d phoned an hour before,
And the pizza man came running-
		Running-running-
The pizza man came running, up to my open door.

He had a large case under his armpit; a look of concern on his face,
I had a mouth that was drooling like a hound that just won a race,
I waited with great anticipation as I paid the man the bill,
And how I longed for that Hawaiian Pizza, 
		That juicy Hawaiian Pizza,
Oh no, it’s a Meat Lovers; hey, but I’ll still eat my fill!

(Author’s note: Apologies to Alfred J. Noyes for the take on his poem ‘The Highwayman’)

© Neil Dufty

Gulf War: a poem

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It was the morning 5.44 if I do recall,
All were trying to sleep for the long haul,
The train rocking gently from side to side,
Like a lilting lullaby to cope with the ride.

The train was the domain of the old male,
Relic body odour making it smell stale,
The odd lady amongst the testosterone,
Fragrant roses improved the dank tone.

The men divided by how they did dress,
It was plain to see, no chance to digress,
Some donned bright fluro seen from a mile,
The rest were decked out in business attire.

This chasm cut deep into the land’s history,
Blue collar versus white was the big story,
What these two did for work had to be noted,
As it even decided how each of them voted!

Blue singlets now replaced by high vis vests
For tradesmen with tough hands and strong chests,
Yellow and orange the garb of these herculeans,
They stood out in the train like bright beacons.

This the quiet carriage, no noise could be made,
Sound violation and death stares would be paid,
And patrons wanted the same seats, own spaces,
A pecking order of sorts, they knew their places. 

The scene now set for the conflict that ensued,
Let’s get on with the story without further ado,
We must keep this train poem on the right track,
It was starting to wander, to take another tack.

On the right of the aisle sat the tradie in yellow,
Unshaven, he looked like a gruff kind of fellow,
Squat build, middle-aged, tattoos on his forearms,
Callouses could be seen on the both of his palms.

On the left of the aisle sat the professional man,
Slim build, bespectacled, with a slight ruddy tan,
He was typing big words, jargon like ‘resultant’,
Might be a banker, lawyer … or even a consultant!

The tradie he had a cooling box called an esky,
Emblazoned in our flag it was not very sexy,
To all wishing to alight it was a stumbling block,
As it sat part way in the aisle like a massive rock.

Now on the day in question the tradie was snoring,
Sounding like a lion on the plain that was roaring,
In the quiet carriage this noise it was most foreign,
To many awoken you could say it was abhorrent.

It must have been a day the consultant was uptight,
An intense look like he had been given a big fright,
Turning to the tradie, he glowered and nudged him,
Would the tradie accept he had committed a big sin?

The tradie he stirred and glanced across the void,
Upset by the awakening he seemed to be buoyed,
“Can’t a bloke get his sleep, is that too much to ask?
If you ever do it again, be sure I’ll break your arse.”

The consultant ignored the rant, he’d made his mark,
He went back to his typing oblivious of the nark,
But for every day as he alighted from his ride,
He felt the esky of the tradie bump on his side.

Next day, the esky upturned, contents in the aisle,
The tradie fuming, face red, looking very vile,
Then he yelled, “For that mate you’re going down!”
All the patrons shocked said “Please quieten down.”

The consultant responded saying “It wasn’t me,”
The tradie retorted with “Who else could it be?”
“I’ve got to get off the train now,” he went on,
“Better not be here tomorrow or you’re gone!”

Would the consultant return? It had to be seen,
The tradie looking around, appearing real mean,
No consultant, no one this day sitting in his seat,
The void was there, and I cheerfully took his seat. 

© Neil Dufty